Trials

This time of year I try to look back and reflect on everything I have to be grateful for in my life. It has been a difficult year for Josh and I, but I know we will gain something from our current trial we've been facing. Looking back, I can honestly say that even though there have been times when I felt like I was being punished for something I must have done, I've always found a positive to every negative. For instance: I was bullied pretty badly in 6th grade. I guess I just rubbed this girl the wrong way and she quickly became the ring leader of the "I hate Kristen club". I quickly learned who my true friends were because those girls stuck by me even when they were tormented for being my friend. I'm not going to go into detail about all the torment that I went through that year, but I will say that I have learned to be compassionate for others. Those of you who know me, know that when I say "the more the merrier" I truely mean it. Ever since then, I've always surrounded myself with uplifting people.

When Josh was gone for a 16 month long deployment to Afghanistan I thought life was officially over. That is an extremely long time to be away from family and for a very long time I was very negative about everything. How could I ever gain anything positive from this experience? Well I did.... Up until Josh left I had never lived on my own before. I mean I lived with roomates, but never alone. It was up to me to take care of things while he was away. I was also still attending school at the time which added to all the stress. I became more independent that year, I didn't always have my husband or my dad around to take care of things and I had to learn to do things myself. I'm truely grateful for that. I feel like in that time I became my own person. Josh and I grew closer together during that time apart as well. I learned to not take things for granted. We were also able to save some money for the down payment on our home that we purchased a year ago. We would not have been able to save all that money had it not been for his deployment. I have learned patience and to how to cope with stress through that experience and I truely believe that is a gift because I don't know how I could have gotten through this year without it.

One of my New Years resolutions is to have a more positive outlook on my life. Even when things are dark and gloomy, we'll get through it and in the end be stronger for it. We need to learn to forget the negatives and think about the positives.

Park City

Josh's brother, J.J. and his wife Katie called us Friday morning to see if we wanted to go to Park City for the weekend. It was definately a last minute planned mini vacation but we had a lot of fun.

We got a pretty good deal on our hotel room and even got the second night stay for free so we were excited about that. Max was so excited to explore the hotel room and to sleep on his "little bed," which was just his old crib mattress that we had brought for him to sleep on. Our hotel room was more like a loft with the bedroom being upstairs. It also had a small kitchen in it so it was pretty nice.



We went to Heber City to take Max for a ride on the Heber Valley Railroad. Max was so excited and for those of you who know him, trains are his absolute favorite thing in the whole world. He kept asking us if we were going to ride the Polar express because he just loves that movie since it is about a train.



We were able to ride at the front of the train in a car that was open to the outside. It was nice to sit back and enjoy the beautiful outdoors. After we got to the halfway mark we all enjoyed a yummy ice cream bar and rode the remainder of the way inside. I think both Max, and baby Kinzlie (J.J. and Katie's baby) were much happier indoors since the whistle blew every time we went through a railroad crossing and it was extremely loud being outside.



The conductor came and sat in the same car as us on the ride back to the train station. When Max saw him he yelled "conductor, we need to stop the train, the boy wants to get on." This is also from the movie. J.J. and Katie thought it would be funny to take advantage of the fact that my son is an extremely outgoing child and will talk to anyone. They kept telling him to yell CONDUCTOR really loudly. Thanks guys, it's not embarassing when it's someone else's kid, but I will definately remember this for when Kinzlie is 3!

Here are just a few pictures of our little adventure.

Max is showing off his ticket to ride the train in the picture above. He just loves to pretend that he's the train conductor and that he needs to go around and punch everyone's tickets (like on Polar Express). He'll tell you that "this ticket is non-transferbable," it's really cute. He was thrilled just to get the ticket.

The next day we went to the Alpine Resort and we all went for a ride (minus Kinzlie of course) down the Alpine slide. J.J., Josh and Max took the first ride and when they came back Katie and I went with Max for his second time. It was a lot of fun. On the way up the mountain, Max kept telling Katie and I that "it's only a little bit scary." It was so cute that he was trying to help us to not be scared. He had so much fun, we all did.














We also made time on our trip for Josh and J.J. to go golfing while Katie and I packed up our kids and did what we do best, we went shopping. It's funny because the only stores we even went into were the children's clothing stores. I got some great deals on some clothes for Max and Katie got some really cute clothes for Kinz.


All in all this was a really fun weekend getaway. Josh and I have had some trials that we've been going through over the past year and we definately needed this fun little vacation. Thanks guys for inviting us!

Just a side note, I'm not exactly sure how to get rid of all the extra space that is always on the bottom of my posts. It's extremely annoying so if anyone can help me out with this, I'd really appreciate it. This post also has some extra space in it when it didn't show up while writing it so I'm sorry for that too. Again, any help on this is appreciated.

Pumpkin Patch

On Thursday, Max and I met my friend, Becky and her two adorable little girls at the pumpkin patch. There is a maze there so it was fun for the kids to play. Max had a lot of fun playing with his friend, Addie. I also had a lot of fun playing with my new camera and taking pictures of Max, and Becky's two daughters, Addie and Bree. It was warm and beautiful and we took full advantage of the weather that day. The kids had so much fun, we were there for almost two hours. I just love the fall season!

Max chasing Addie through the maze
Max and Addie posing for me
Bree trying to eat a pumpkin

I cannot wait for the holidays this year. I always get excited for the fall when the leaves start changing colors and we start getting ready for Halloween, which is just the beginning of the holiday season. I can't wait for Max to dress up in his costume this year and go trick-or-treating. He says he remembers it from last year so we'll see.

All Things Halloween

Josh, myself and Max had a great time last weekend.
This picture was taken at the American West Heritage Center. We spent 3 1/2 hours there and we all had so much fun. In this picture, Max is riding the train with his dad. He rode that train about 4 times and loved it each and every time. There was so much to do there and we pretty much did it all. There were also animals for the kids to pet, pony rides, a kids straw maze, a corn maze, a tractor/train ride, even a ghord launch. It was money well spent and just to see the smile that didn't leave Max's face all night was priceless.

I took this picture of Max while we went for a ride on a covered wagon that was pulled by two horses. As you can see, it was starting to get a bit chilly by this time so Max was all bundled up. His coat really brings out the blue in his eyes.

This picture was taken at the pumpkin patch. We started out the weekend by taking Max to the pumpkin patch to pick out his very own pumpkin. They also have a straw maze there for kids and he had probably more fun playing in the maze than looking for the perfect pumpkin.

We did manage to get him to take time to look through them and I think we all did a great job picking them out.
I love his little devious smile here.

I am so excited because we got a very nice new camera!!! It is going to be so much fun taking pictures for the holidays and I will most likely be posting more often because of it. Max insists on being a green dragon this year, like on Dragon Tales. His costume is pretty cute and I will definately be getting some cute pictures of him in it. It's funny because I've always loved the holidays, but it just makes everything ten times better having Max to share it all with!

August

I've been greatly anticipating and yet dreading this month to come. I've been excited because I've had Max's birthday party to plan for and that's always stressful, but fun as well for me. He had a great birthday and loved celebrating it with his cousins and a few close friends of his. I am a little relieved that it is over now just because of how stressful planning a birthday event for a child can be, even when he is only turning 3!

This month has been also very difficult for me to get through because of my miscarriage back in February. My due date was supposed to be on the 23rd of August, and it has been a very emotional time for me. I have many friends that have been having babies over the past two months and I am very excited for them, but it has just been extra difficult for me. Seeing these moms with their new babies brings back all the hurt that I felt when I first miscarried. I have kept a brave face throughout it all and only a few people have even seen me cry over this.

I had been doing so well getting through all this, but while I was in the waiting room at the hospital waiting to see my brother-in-law's new baby girl there was another family there waiting for a new baby to be born. I was definately in the wrong place at the wrong time because the proud new father came out and announced "It's a GIRL". This triggered every emotion I felt that day when I spent half the day in the hospital because I miscarried when I was supposed to be having my first appointment to hear the heartbeat. Yes, I quickly removed myself from the room and hid in the stairwell for a good 30 minutes to avoid being seen by anyone with my bloodshot eyes. Yes, I wanted to go see the new baby. I just didn't want to take any attention away from baby and mom so after about 45 minutes I picked myself up and saw that adorable little baby girl, and I even held her. It was extremely difficult for me to do it, but I'm very happy and proud of myself for doing it. That was a very big step for me.

I don't fully understand why Josh and I are having such a difficult time becoming pregnant. Sometimes I wonder if it's just bad karma or something, but then I remember that everyone has their trials and this is one of ours. It isn't our first trial and it is definately not our last. It is getting more and more difficult each month after we find out yet again that we have had no luck. What makes it even more difficult is that we have family members who ask every time we see them if I am pregnant and I painfully have to say no. I am not trying to keep this private and I have openly discussed this with others. I just wish that these individuals would wait and see if it comes up because I don't mind talking about it, just on my own time.

I'm sorry this post is not upbeat at all, but one of the ways for me to deal is to write about it. So here I am just trying to make it through the next couple of days.

Happy Birthday Max!!!

My baby is not a baby anymore and he reminds me every day that he is now a BIG BOY! It's awesome to see how he's grown into the whole little person with a mind of his own. His name says it all, he is a fun loving, extremely outgoing child and I'm so proud to be his mom.

My mother in law watched Max last week and when we came to pick him up she said: "your son has been going around the house punching everyone's tickets to ride the Polar Express and telling us that our tickets are non transferrable" what 3 year old says non-transferrable??? I was in the computer room a couple days ago and Max had been watching the movie, Bolt when he ran into the room, grabbed my face and said: "MOM, WE NEED TO FIND THE ANTEDOTE!" He is so funny! There's never a dull moment with Mr. Max.

A lot of catching up!

I've got a lot of catching up to do and loads of pictures to post over the next couple of days. We have had quite a few adventures this summer together and we have really had a good time. We've been to Hogle Zoo, Lagoon, Bear Lake and a few other places.

Max really loved the bumper cars! He didn't quite understand how to make himself go forwards and so he kept driving himself in a small circle. It was really funny and I'm surprised he didn't get too dizzy from it, but he didn't care. He had a huge smile on his face the entire time, ESPECIALLY when another child bumped into him with their car. He just laughed and laughed the entire time.

He rode almost every kiddie ride that they had at Lagoon and even some more than just once or twice.



I can't get over the cute little nose scrunch he always does for pictures. It's funny because I used to smile the same way when I was younger. I'll have to find some pictures to compare the two of us.

He had a blast at Lagoon and wasn't too thrilled when we had to leave. It was such a good day!!

If You Loved Twilight..........

If you loved the Twilight series, by Stephanie Meyer and are looking for a good series to read you may want to look into the Vampire Diaries series, by L.J. Smith. This is a series of 5 books so far and there will be more to the series as well. I really enjoyed reading them and they must be good enough because the CW has picked them up for a new t.v. series starting in the fall. I do have to say that the first 4 books of this series were written in the 90's before Twilight was even a thought; so it is not another author trying to be the next Stephanie Meyer. The 5th book just came out this past February and it was good. I believe she will be writing at least 2 more books in this series. Like Twilight, this series also contains sexy vampires, both good and bad. Here is the link for the new t.v serires. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCGBdpCvbzk.

The Uglies series, by Scott Westerfield, is also a good one to try. It is a series of 4 books and I believe they are making a movie of it, but last time I checked online it won't come out until the year 2013, which makes sense why it would take so long to make if you read the books.

The series that I am currently is called the Immortality Bites series, by Michelle Rowen. It is yet another vampire story but with a little more bite to it. It is very humorous and you can't help but just fall in love with the characters.

I just love my job and have a lot of reading time on my hands while I am at work. I'm looking for some fun new books to read, preferrably with a love story in them. I would love some new suggestions. I also have read a lot more books than what I just listed and would love to also give suggestions.

Maximus

Kids just say the darndest things don't they? Josh and I are really seeing the effect our language has on Max. When he's frustrated with something he'll say "Oh my goodness!!!," which is just adorable. He as recently started using the phrase "shall we," like "let Beau in the house, shall we" or go to "gamma's house, shall we." If you ask him a question like, Max, would you like a snack; his reply would be "of course."
Me: Should we go visit daddy at work?
Max: Of COURSE!

I love it! Every question he asks ends in a cute little high pitched tone. He's also decided that he really wants to be a big boy and likes to try to make things himself like chocolate milk. He won't even tell me he wants it, he'll go get the mix from the pantry and a spoon from the drawer, the only problem for him is that he can't open the fridge yet to get the milk, luckily for me.

We are finally getting a fence put in and Max has been watching them out the window all day yelling "hi" as loud as he possibly can to get there attention. He LOVES all the attention to be on him ALL the time. He is so outgoing and loves everyone, although he still has his favorites ;)

It has been hard on him having all this rain and not being able to go out and play with friends. He gets a really excited look on his face and asks, can Addie come over or one of his other friends. Sometimes we just can't get a hold of anyone and he's stuck with just mom and he has gotten really sad that his friends can't come over. This just breaks my heart, because I want so badly for him to have a little brother or sister and I really did not want him to be so much older than his other siblings. I am a person who likes to be in control of her life and believes that everything should always be fair 100% of the time. Unfortunately that is not the case. I believe that it has brought me even closer to Max (if that's at all possible). I don't take a second for granted that I have him. Last Sunday, when I picked him up from nursery he got this huge grin on his face as yelled "mommy" and ran to me with his arms stretched out. I just thought to myself, I am so lucky that this kid is mine.

I will be posting more pictures of Max soon!

The Renee Award

I was given this award by my sweet Aunt Linda. She has such a kind heart and I love hanging out with her and her three beautiful daughters. I wish we would all get together more often.

Renee award was created by Bella and Ces in honor of their friend Renee http://circlingmyhead.blogspot.com/. [Photo]In Bella's own words "this is a brand new award and I have the pleasure and honor of spreading the seed, watching it grow. I hope it finds it's way to those who are like Renee: the acorn, a small package becoming a tall and sturdy oak, giving more acorns, becoming tall and sturdy oaks, giving acorns..." You are to choose other people to receive this award.Renee's blog is beautiful, just as I imagine her to be. She shares so much and it is easy to get lost there for hours.I would like to share this award with some very special people who have inspired me and have touched my heart in so many ways..

I would like to give this award to one of my oldest friends, Emily. We were close friends growing up from 9th grade on up and I'm happy that we still keep in touch. Emily is a very happy, friendly and genuine person. She genuinely cares for people and loves everyone. It shows by how many friends she has. She has touched the lives of so many whether she knows it or not and I am proud to call her my friend.

Mother's Day

Mother's day is nearing and it makes me think about everything Max and I have been through together. I'll never forget how nervous and terrified I was when I found out I was pregnant. By the time nine months rolled around I thought that I was prepared to handle this tiny little infant. He definately had some surprises of his own for me. My little bundle of joy came 2 1/2 weeks early. I was in labor for thirteen miserable hours when he finally decided to grace us with his presence. He weighed 7 lb. 9 oz. and was 20 in. long. He was beautiful.

He was two weeks old and never cried when my mom jinxed us. "You are so lucky, this baby never cries, she said" It was almost as if a light bulb went on inside of him because I swear it was only a matter of days until the crying never seemed to end. He had collic and it didn't just happen at night, oh no, it came all day throughout the day. After an awful trip to the store where Max began crying and wouldn't stop until we were back in the car, Josh came home from school and I vowed that I would never leave the house alone with the baby again. Max and I both cried for four months.

Now looking back on all the tough times, I wouldn't take any of it back for anything (I know it is much easier to say this now). Max has always been a stubborn child with a mind of his own and he was telling me that right from the get go. He has challenged me a lot and although it has been stressful at times, it is his personality and I would never try to change that. He loves being around anyone who will pay him attention. He doesn't have any siblings to play with yet, but will make friends with all the kids at the park every time we go. He loves being around babies and is surprisingly really good with younger children. He is going to be an awesome big brother someday. I am so lucky to be his mom and I'm excited to see what new challenge he will throw at me next.

Max really loves to tease his dad. Here he is eating his dad's cupcake because he had already eaten his own.

He thought it was so funny teasing his dad.

I'm making a cake for Mother's day and Max automatically thinks that cake means that it is someone's birthday. He started telling me "Happy birthday, Mom". I tried explaining that he needs to say Happy Mother's day, but this is what comes out every time: "Happy Birthday, Happy Mother's Day mom". It's so darn cute! If all my kids are this cute, I'm going to have to have a dozen.

Seven Year Itch????

MOST DEFINATELY NOT! On Saturday, May 9th, Josh and I will be celebrating our seven year anniversary. Holy Cow, I can't believe it has been that long. It will be eight years since we got engaged which was also on May 9th, one year before we got married. I've been so caught up lately with all the problems that we have had to face that I've lost sight of all the positives in my life. Josh and Max are definately number 1, in my life. I am so lucky to be married to my best friend. We've always had so much fun together and Josh knows me better than anyone else. I can't imagine going through half of the things that he has been through and still being as sane (most of the time :) ) as he is. He is the rock, in our family and helps to keep me calm when things get tough. I'm even more in love with him now than I was on our wedding day.


The picture above is Homecoming for USU 2001, we were engaged and this was the night before Josh left for Kuwait. I love this picture because you can see how genuinely happy we are in it and still are today (sorry Emily, you get to be in the picture too). It's funny how it all started when I was working at the outdoor swimming pool. Josh came swimming, a number was left on a wallet and BAHM, here we are today with such an awesome son, Max. He has got so much personality and loves everyone, and I have to admit, we made a cute kid. He is so much fun and is so good with younger kids. I know he is going to be an awesome big brother some day.

I just want to end this post by telling Josh how much I love and appreciate him. He is such an amazing husband and father. I couldn't have picked anyone better.

Sweet New Hobby

Ever since I got married I feel that I lost all of my hobbies. I decided to start up a new hobby and I'm absolutely loving it. I took my first cake decorating class. It was so fun to learn so many creative ways to decorate cakes and cupcakes. It was very difficult letting Josh take my first cake to work with him to share with his co-workers. I was really proud of this cake and it seemed such a shame to go and cut it up. Oh well, that's what cakes are for after all, and it was better he do that than leave it at home for me to eat. Here is a picture of my first sweet creation.

Baby Animal Days

I was worried that Max would be afraid of the animals, but to my surprise he was very eager to hold and pet all of them. He had so much fun! His favorite part was riding the pony. He soon found that it is a lot different than just riding the horse on the merry-go-round. As soon as the pony started walking it made

Max jerk backwards, but luckily I was there to keep him on. After that he was giggling and having a lot of fun waving at Grandma. It was kind of chilly and extremely muddy, but that's okay because Max was completely dressed from head-to-toe for the occassion. All-in-all it was a great day! Max was a very happy and surprisingly pleasant the entire time. I can't wait for next year!

Easter was a lot of fun this year too! We had an Easter party w/an Easter Egg Hunt at our house with Josh's family and my parents came too. The kids loved the hunt and it was fun to spend time with family. Max got a tee-ball set from the Easter bunny. He's getting pretty good at hitting the ball. It's so cute to see Josh coaching him and playing with him. I love my boys!

You Have a What??????

The other morning I was making breakfast for Max and myself when he came to the top of the stairs and yelled:
Max: "MOM"
Me: What Max?
Max: Need to go
Me: Where are you going sweetheart?
Max: Max have hot date
Me: (LOL) You have a what????
Max: Max have hot date
Me: With who?
Max: With friend
Me: Okay, well you better come have some breakfast first :)
Max: Okay
I kept wondering where in the world Max would here something like this and I couldn't figure it out. I later told my mom what happened and she just started laughing. A couple Saturdays ago my parents watched Max while Josh and I went to dinner and a movie. When Max asked where mom and dad were, my mom said, "they went on a hot date." I guess it stuck. He is so cute!!!

Max just kickin' back at the bowling alley


Trying on Emily's high heels

Thanks to Emily I am posting some cute pictures of Max from Sheri's birthday party. He and I had a lot of fun bowling with everyone.

I also have some fun pictures from Baby Animal days and Easter that I will be posting soon!

How to Deal

Why do we have trials in our lives? I know that these trials make us stronger, but COME ON. I'll be the first to admit that I had it pretty easy growing up. I was a little spoiled, but I wouldn't say that I was spoiled rotten. Life was great!

I met Josh, we got married and then WHAM.... it seems that NOTHING ever comes easy anymore. The most recent trial has been my miscarriage. Josh doesn't understand why I still cry about it and honestly I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay when people talk to me about it. I just found out that yet another one of my friends is pregnant and I am very happy for her. It also brings the reminder that I am not pregnant which makes me very sad. I feel horrible that this happy news makes me so sad, but I can't help how I feel.

We started trying 10 months ago. It took us six months to get pregnant and then 11 weeks later I miscarried. Why does it seem so easy for everyone around me???? My heart just aches right now and honestly I don't see myself being completely over it any time soon. I know five different women who are all due within 6 weeks of what was my due date so how am I suppose to heal? They are all currently finding out the sex of their babies and I am really trying to stay happy for them and deep down I truely am happy for them, but it just makes me angry at myself. What is wrong with me?

For those of you who have never dealt with this before, please choose your words wisely when you are trying to offer words of comfort. My mother-in-law, although she means well told me that it's better that it happened to me and not her other daughter-in-law, who is due 10 days after my date. The reason is because I already have a child and she does not. She also told me to be grateful for Max. I truely am grateful for Max, he is the light of my life and I can't imagine my life without him. It is easy for someone who had five children just fine to say this, However, regardless of whether it is a woman's first or tenth pregnancy, miscarriage hurts just the same. It hurt to hear this and she also gave me the impression that she doesn't think that I'm going to be able to have any more children, WHICH IS NOT TRUE. I'm not mad at my mother-in-law for saying this, I just need to express my feelings about everything and my blog is the best way to do it.

This blog is pretty depressing I know. I've had a rough day.

Disneyland

We had so much fun at Disneyland last weekend. Max's favorite part was meeting all the Disney characters. He also loved riding the rides, especially the Dumbo ride. He was laughing and smiling the entire time. I'm so happy that we were able to do this together as a family. We've had a rough year so far and definately needed this.

My First Blog

This is my first blog so I'm trying it out and I'm not exactly sure what I am doing yet.