Hello Again!

I am a horrible blogger, but the reason is because I just struggle with adding posts. My pictures are so far apart, I can't get a new background saved for some reason, etc...... I know these aren't very good excuses, but when you don't have a lot of time as it is, it's easy to forget.

A friend in my ward took these pictures of the babies. They were almost 3 months old at the time. I love how they turned out!

Peach Days!

The weather was warm for Peach Days so we were able to take all three kids to the festivities. It was nice to finally get out. I think it was our first big outing as a family. Clay and Chloe were so good and slept the entire time which was nice because we were able to give Max some undivided attentention. He loved eating ribs with his dad and made sure I would get a picture of him eating.

Josh and Max went for a helicopter ride and this 5 year old was in heaven. I think he's going to share a love for flying with his dad.

This is a picture of took of them after they came back from their ride. Max was all smiles the rest of the night and wouldn't stop talking about it. It was definately the highlight of his week.

Of course we had to hit up the rides. You can't go to Peach Days without going on rides.

We all had a great time. I can't wait for next year when Clay and Chloe will be a little older and it will be easier to get out and about.

Be sure to check my postings below. This is the last of 4 that I've posted tonight. I really haven't had much time to update this blog, but tonight I'm at work. Oh......I LOVE my job!!!

Photo Shoot

Since I myself have a professional camera, I thought I would try taking some fun newborn shots of my little ones. Easier said than done is all I have to say. They both have reflux so it is difficult to lay them down and for them to stay calm and happy. I do not claim to be a professional, so don't critique my pictures please. I also haven't had the time to photshop them either. I think these pictures show their little personalities that are starting to come out. Clay seems to be more of an easy going baby. Chloe, although adorable, is always fussy and mad it seems. Well, here's how our photo shoot went.

Some Blessings Come in Twos!!

This past Sunday, we had the opportunity to bless both of our miracle babies. It was a perfect day! The weather was warm, we all got ready for church on time with no fights, and we had a great turnout of family. Josh was so sweet while blessing Clay and Chloe. He got emotional during the blessing and I think people were surprised to see this side of Josh. Normally he has such a hard exterior, but when it comes to his kids, he is MUSH!!! Josh has a very sweet and tender side to him that mostly just myself and the kids get to see, which makes me feel very special.

I shared my testimony for the first time since Max's blessing day. I was so nervous, but the words just came to me and everything seemed to flow. Of course, I couldn't get through it without tearing up, but that's just me. It was so sweet to look down and see my sweet little 5 year old just smiling at me and listening to me with his undivided attention. I was crying and felt like he was just looking at me thinking, Mom, it's okay, everything is going to be alright. He later told me that he doesn't want me to speak in church again because it makes me so sad. I had to explain that those were happy tears. He didn't quite understand that concept.

Josh's mom gave a very sweet testimony. It was nice to hear her speak. His grandad also got up and spoke. I am always so intrigued to hear what he has to say. My uncle Mitch, also got up to speak. He spoke of miracles! My two little babies are miracles, and he also is a living miracle. My uncle is still alive after a grueling fight with Leukemia. It was a nice testimony and I just felt the spirit all around me. My cousin, Luke, also spoke. It was nice to have him there since we were good friends when we were teenagers.

Those is the circle were:

Josh's father (Jeff), brother (J.J.), and grandad (John). My uncle Mitch, uncle Shawn, and my cousins: Luke, T.J., Nick, Adam and Daniel.

Afterward, we all headed back to my house for a yummy lunch and to visit. I couldn't have asked for this day to go better. I will always remember this special experience.

This is our first family picture!

Josh's Grandad holding Clay (his great-grandson)

Aunt Ashley holding Chloe

Grandma and Grandpa with all 3 grandkids

This is the Beach side's first family picture since before Max was born. I just love the proud big brother Max's smile in this picture!

This is a great 4 generation picture. Josh's grandad (John) is the one in the bowtie, which he is known for sporting on a daily basis. Josh's mom is on the right and then you have Josh, and his 3 children. It was very special to have them all there.

Someone Else's Shoes

Occassionally I am able to get a moment of peace in the mornings while Max is at preschool. Sometimes I like to watch Studio 5 at 11:00 in the mornings. This month the theme for their show is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. I just so happened to be watching it this morning when the topic was sensitivity to couples dealing with infertility. They brought on a lady who had dealt with infertility for 5 years before she was able to become pregnant. She was giving some ideas for people who have friends/family experiencing infertility. This got me thinking how many times I had been unintentionally hurt by a person's comments and thought I would give a little input on my thoughts.

Have you ever been around a person who had recently gone through some tragedy and you have no idea how to act or what to sayto them because you've never exerienced the same thing? I think just about everyone would say yes. I'm sure people felt that way around me. I am a person who is open to talk about my infertility, but only if the topic comes up. Some people want to keep everything private and we really need to respect that.

Josh and I went through nearly 3 years of infertility. We were given a very low chance of success even with the help of doctors and it was absolutely devastating. I honestly felt like I had just lost a child. I had imagined since I was a teenager about being a mom and what my kids would look like, and who I would marry, etc..... To have this dream taken away, is just a horrific memory. I was always reminded by people saying: "At least you have one child," you just need to enjoy him. As if I didn't enjoy being a mom to the coolest kid in the world. This comment came from multiple women who have all had multiple children. Here are some other comments to avoid when talking to anyone experiencing infertility:

• When are you guys going to start having kids?


• Time for another kid don't you think?


• When commenting on the fact that Max has a difficult time sharing, "well, if he had a sibling that would fix the problem."


• Maybe you weren't meant to have kids or maybe you were meant to just have one


• You can always adopt.


• You just need to relax.


• You want kids, PLEASE take mine!


• There's probably a reason for it.


• You're still young, it will happen.


• My cousin adopted a baby and then, BOOM she got pregnant.


• I WISH I had that problem.


• I think that people who choose infertility treatments are,or just giving your opinion on the matter. Unless the couple asks for your opinion, keep it to yourself.


• You must be having lots of fun trying!


• My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant.


• Things could be worse.


• ***Do not walk up to the person especially if she's a woman in a group and ask her how it is going. That might just be the trigger that gets her to break down. If you are going to ask this question, do it in private.


• It's a good thing that YOU had the miscarriage instead of ______, since you already have a kid. **No joke, this was actually said to me.** Miscarriage is devastating no matter how many children you already have.


• If you know someone who is struggling with infertility, PLEASE don't start naming all the people you both know who are pregnant!


• Joking about being pregnant when you aren't is NOT funny. I don't understand why anyone would even joke about being pregnant. You never know what the recipient to your joke is thinking or if maybe they are going through infertility. This happened to me.


• When finding out someone is having twins, don't ask them if they used fertility treatments. It really isn't your business. I was asked this by so many people, even women I didn't know would ask this question.

Infertility is an emotional rollercoaster. When I was going through treatments, my hormones were all over the place. I did not always think rationally and I would cry at anything. Please remember this when you around an infertile. Infertility is devastating no matter how many kids you already have. I think that couples that already have a child, don't get the understanding from people as couples who don't have any. Secondary infertility is extremely common. I'm so glad that this topic was on Studio 5 today because most people don't think about it. There are so many people going through this, and I would bet that everyone who reads this know someone going through infertility, even if you aren't aware of it. Just remember that if you aren't sure you should say it, DON'T! Sometimes silence along with a hug is all it takes. If you haven't experienced this, there isn't anything you can say that will make the person feel better. Put yourself in her shoes, and let your friend know that you are there for her. Let HER be the one to open up about it first.

Well, that's my soap box for the day. I've got more pictures of my MIRACLE babies coming!!!

Introducing.......

Our babies are finally here!!! They were born on Tuesday, July 19th. Chloe Jean , 5 lbs 3 oz, 18 inch long, born at 11:30 p.m. Clayton Jeffrey, 5 lbs 5 oz, 17 inch long, born at 11:37 p.m. They spent 23 days in the NICU and are now home and healthy. We are weaning them off of their oxygen now and so far they are doing really well without it. They still have their monitors so we can keep track of their heart rates and oxygen levels, but we're hoping we'll lose those after their next appointment on the 19th.

My fourth and final visit to labor and delivery due to contractions, we were not able to stop the contractions this time. We spent the first 5 hours trying to stop them, but the doctor finally decided that we were fighting a losing battle. Miss Chloe was ready to come out, her brother wasn't quite ready but didn't have much of a choice.

I did choose to get an epidural, but because I dialated from a 6 to a 9 in 45 minutes, the epidural didn't have time to catch up. I felt EVERYTHING up until I started to push. Luckily the epidural was working again by that time, but the babies were so small it really wasn't that difficult. Chloe came out first, head first. I only caught a glimpse of her before the nurse rushed her off, but she was absolutely beautiful. Clay was breech and it was a little more tricky to get him out. My doctor was literally almost up to her elbow inside trying to pull the little man out. Luckily I was also able to deliver him vaginally so I was pretty relieved. The poor little guy came out very bruised.

Both babies needed help to breath. Clay's lungs were still completely collapsed and he needed a lot of help, but they were both troopers and progressed very well during their time in the NICU. I'm trying to type this while I have my 5 year old hanging on my arm, and yelling for my attention so I'm going to have to make this quick.

Baby Update

I know I said that I would be adding some pictures on here really soon, but I wanted to post this update. I am currently at work while my camera is at home so the pictures will just have to wait a little longer.

I have actually been feeling pretty great most days. I get a little tired in the evenings, but since the weather has been a little cooler until recently, it's been pretty nice for me. I'm constantly hearing how good I look for being 31 weeks pregnant with twins which has been very flattering to hear. Aside from a day or two full of contractions (not regular though), I am doing very well.

Yesterday, I had another Doctor appointment which happens every two weeks. It started with an hour long ultra-sound (30 minutes per baby), and ended up with me in labor and delivery following my visit with Dr. Craig. My weight gain has been great, and I've only gained 33 pounds thus far!!! Apparently the babies are sucking everything out of me and I've even lost weight in certain areas. That's one positive to carrying two babies, wooohooo! One baby is weighing at 4 lbs 1 oz, and the other baby was a little more than that. Both babies are big for being twins and if I make it to 36 weeks, my doctor thinks I could end up with two 7 1/2 pound babies. That makes 15 pounds of baby, plus the placenta and all the fluid which means I am probably going to start getting much bigger and more miserable.

When I informed my doctor that I had been cramping and contracting all throughout the day last Friday, she decided she should check my cervix. Well, I am already dialated 2 cm and I'm currently 70% thinned. She said that it is possible for me to carry past 34 and maybe make it to 36 weeks, but sent me to labor and deliver for a steriod shot. The steroid shot is to help develop the babies' lungs just in case they are born really early. After the shot, I ended up being hooked up to a ton of monitors to monitor my contractions and the babies' heart rates. Needless to say, what should have been an hour and a half visit easily turned to a 3 hour visit. Then I ended up having to head back up to Logan today for the second steroid shot.

I'm seriously having mixed emotions about all of this. Of course I want to keep them in as long as possible, but to have 15 pounds of baby is a little scary. I'm just now remembering how difficult it was taking care of one infant, and now what am I supposed to do with two?!?! I'm so excited, but terrified at the same time. I have the hardest time accepting help from people and everyone tells me that I need to get over that fast.

I just can't believe what could be happening within weeks is actually here. There was a time when I thought we'd never have the chance to have another child. We have been so blessed it sometimes makes me feel guilty. I know that there are so many other couples out there wanting to be parents and it is just heartbreaking to go through infertility. My experience with infertility has really helped me to not take my son and now my new son and daughter on the way for granted. I don't think I did before, but I just try to soak in as much as I can while Max is little. There will come a day when he doesn't want mom around for everything and he won't want to come to mom when he's feeling sad. Although this thought tears me up inside, I'm going to enjoy every minute I have with my kids.

That's all for now, hopefully I will remember to update again soon. I really have turned into a bubble head this pregnancy.